Difficult People Everywhere

Coexistence is a very difficult exercise, both in the family environment, with friends and at work. The difficulty lies in the different temperaments that we have, in that each person has their own habits, way of seeing life and reacting. In addition, sometimes we do not practice tolerance, we are rude and we do not collaborate so that relationships bear fruit. Before an episode of confrontation, it’s convenient to breathe and not respond with the first impulse.

However, occasionally we have these close relationships that are too exhausting, strained, with arguments that overwhelm us, and the worst thing is that we cannot avoid them. Probably all of us during our professional career have encountered tricky people, dealing with them is a little more than thorny, and this affects the quality and environment of work. What can we do then?

Firstly, when we identify that it consists of a rough individual and not a specific event —yes, because anyone can have a bad day— it doesn’t seem healthy to face it at once, much less in the heat of the moment. I know it's not easy to be patient, but it almost always helps to assess the scenario objectively.

Likewise, occupational psychologists and human resources experts recommend not taking it personally and starting by focusing on ourselves, getting to know ourselves, recognizing that our perspective is not the only valid one, and that we don’t always have to agree with others in the office to maintain a dignified connection and fulfill responsibilities.

Although there will always be people who don’t like us or others who will make us uncomfortable, we cannot simply abandon a project or live in eternal confrontation because that is not civilized, smart or professional. Let's avoid altercations and stressful situations whenever it’s within our grasp.

How do we do that? When we work, we must be much more understanding. That’s why it’s worth respecting, not gossiping about others, not wasting time trying to convince them to change their way of thinking, but negotiating trying to be empathetic.

Whether it’s with a colleague, a boss or a client, it’s appropriate to be condescending; and in the same way, this applies if we have to deal with people with a complex personality in other environments, in the family itself, with neighbors, or in the circle of friends. Anywhere.

Conflicting people agree on some characteristics such as not listening, wanting to have the last saying, not fulfilling their commitments, criticizing, disqualifying, entangling, and more. In the most extreme cases, they have little emotional management, and can be unpredictable, arrogant, subtle, hostile, moody and react aggressively. This favors the rarefied personality.

On many occasions we must become psychologists if we want to save a project, a relationship. We can look at the situation from the perspective of the other and try to understand his/her behavior, find out if it’s based on some past experience that he could not resolve because no one is confrontational for no reason at all.

As long as emotional control can be kept, it helps to brainstorm to work on specific solutions or to investigate behaviors, and this should be an exercise in kindness, calm, offering the opportunity to express oneself.

It's true that perhaps the conflict will not be settled, but perhaps we will be able to understand the cause and have the satisfaction of trying. If that’s the case, then we must focus on the positive, not be vindictive, reduce contact and establish limits to the interactions, leaving everything as strictly as necessary. It’s not convenient to always look for who is right but to focus on the common objectives.

Translated by Amilkal Labañino / CubaSí Translation Staff